The Night Before Christmas with the Warriors
by Fell's Apprentice
Summary: Brambleclaw, Sqirrelflight, Tawnypelt, Stormfur, Feathertail, and Crowfeather sit down to read the Christmas classic The Night Before Christmas and family bonding and hilarity ensues (rated "T" for language of the noncanon variety)


DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Warriors series by Erin Hunter nor any of the characters within that series. I also don't own _The Night Before Christmas_.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS WITH THE WARRIORS

In light of the Christmas season I have (through many hours of arguing and bribes) managed to convince the six warriors Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight of ThunderClan, Tawnypelt of ShadowClan, Crowfeather of Windclan, and Stormfur and Feathertail of RiverClan to spend part of their Christmas reading to us the classic Christmas story _The Night Before Christmas_to show us the bonds of family that hold this group together.

Stormfur: Family bullshit! Crowfeather ain't family!

Crowfeather: What the Dark Forest Stormfur! I'm your fucking brother-in-law!

Stormfur: Key word being fucking!

Crowfeather:  Yeah your sister!

Stormfur: Asshole!

Crowfeather: You've been calling me that all week! Is that the only word you can say?

Stormfur: Bastard.

Crowfeather: Congratulations. When did you learn that word, today?

Stormfur: You're an asshole Crowfeather.

Crowfeather: What do you know, that is the only word he can say.

Brambleclaw: HEY! Can we please just read the StarClandamn story!?

Feathertail: Yeah you two, please stop. I hate seeing you two fight.

Stormfur: okay, sis.

Crowfeather: Yeah sure, anything for you Feathertail.

Tawnypelt: Finally!

Squirrelflight: Yeah, you two have been arguing for hours!

Brambleclaw: On with the story. "Twas the night Before Christmas, when all through the house…."

Crowfeather: What exactly is a house?

Squirrelflight: It's like a two-leg version of a camp.

Crowfeather: Okay, Please continue.

Tawnypelt: Let's put it in our own words.

Brambleclaw: Okay," Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the camp, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…"

Squirrelflight: 'cause I ate it for a late night snack! What, I get hungry at night sometimes.

Brambleclaw: Whatever. "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,"

Crowfeather: What the fuck are stockings and a chimney?

Tawnypelt: Stockings are little pelts that two-legs put over their regular pelt to keep warm and a chimney is used to keep fire in their camp without killing everyone inside.

Brambleclaw:" In hopes that Saint Nicholas would be there"

Crowfeather: Hey Feathertail, Stormfur! You didn't tell me your dad was in this!

Feathertail: Please don't insult my dad, Crowie.

Crowfeather: I'm not! He's a little bit overweight, he's a really happy, fun guy and he's getting old!

Stormfur: Oh my Starclan, now that you mention it, there are a lot of similarities.

Squirrelflight: Anyway!

Brambleclaw: Ahem. "The children, I mean kits, were nestled all snug in their nests, while visions of…." what the fuck? "...juicy rabbits, I guess, danced in their heads."

Feathertail: Aww, It's our kits Crowie!

Stormfur: WHAT!

Brambleclaw: "And Mama in her…." Ya know what, screw that sentence. "We had just settled down for a long winters nap."

Squirrelflight: Which is what we're going to do after this.

Brambleclaw: Great! "When…just outside the camp there rose such a clatter, I sprang from my nest to see what was the matter."

Squirrelflight: Well you ARE very jumpy.

Tawnypelt: Yes, he is. When I was still in Thunderclan he'd jump a good six feet in the air when you tried to pull a prank on him.

Stormfur: Ahem! Can he get on with the story?

Squirrelflight: Sorry…

Tawnypelt: Please continue

Brambleclaw: Thanks "Away to the…camp entrance I flew like a flash, tore open the walls and looked through the gaps.

Squirrelflight: Firestar's gonna kill you, it took three days to build those walls.

Brambleclaw: Whatever, "The moon on the surface of the new fallen snow, gave a look of midday to objects below"

Tawnypelt: Where are you, The Tribe of Rushing Water?

Feathertail: I don't ever want to go back there again.

Stormfur: Neither do any of us.

Crowfeather: Don't worry Feathertail; we'll never see them again.

Squirrelflight: True that.

Brambleclaw: "When, what do my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature monster and eight-tiny deer."

Tawnypelt: I have always wondered if those tasted good….

Brambleclaw: "With a little old…cat so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be…Greystripe!"

Crowfeather: I told you Stormfur!

Stormfur: Oh my Starclan, I cannot believe you were right!

Tawnypelt: You do realize Brambleclaw was just complying with my request to put this in our own words right?

Crowfeather: Um, Yeah…I knew that!

Stormfur: Well, Duh!

Brambleclaw: Feathertail, I pity the fact that you are actually related to those two some way.

Squirrelflight: Oh the stupidity of toms!

Brambleclaw: The day comes when I have no argument to that because of what just happened. Anyway, "More rapid than eagles his deer they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name… Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!"

Feathertail: Okay, whoever came up with those names just needs to be slapped. I mean, seriously! I think I'd commit suicide if I got named something like 'Prancer'

Brambleclaw: I'm gonna have to agree with that.

Tawnypelt: I think we all have to agree with that.

Brambleclaw: Okay I don't understand some of these next few pages so I'm going to skip them. Is everycat okay with that?

All: Yeah...

Crowfeather: Seriously speed this up; I've got cats to get stuff for. No, it's not you; they're cats in my clan.

Squirrelflight: How many? It's Christmas Eve for Starclan's sakes!

Crowfeather: Three, and I don't particularly want to. It was either that or I don't get to do this.

Tawnypelt: Wow, Crowfeather actually doing extra work just to see us. I feel so special!

Crowfeather: Yeah 'cause no one else gives a damn about you do they…

Feathertail: Crowfeather! No more being mean to ANYONE or no snuggles tonight!

Crowfeather: …Fine… What about if _they_ start it?

Feathertail: Not even then or _NO_ snuggles!

Tawnypelt: Wow, you have got him really well trained!

Brambleclaw: Okay, on with the story before I stop breathing from laughing so hard. …Ya know what, screw it!

All: 'Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!'

AN: I originally wrote this around Christmas of last year after watching Jeff Dunham's version of _The Night Before Christmas_ and I couldn't help from doing a warrior version so I hope you all enjoy it and have a very Merry Christmas! One more thing, I would highly advise following the book while reading this.


End file.
